1.) The First Timer
It’s their first holiday without Mum and Dad, so they’re going to HAVE IT LARGE! Homesick, broke and crying by day two.
2.) The over-sharer next to you on the plane
Who needs a movie when you can spend four hours hearing about a stranger’s bowel issues?
3.) The holiday rep
Arrives for the season thinking, “I can’t believe I’m getting paid for being on holiday!” Ends the season with a cynical outlook and chlamydia.
4.) Man who oils his pecs all day
Wears tight Speedos. When he tells you he’s into watersports, he doesn’t meant windsurfing.
5.) The travel bore
They’ve been everywhere and seen, like, THE most incredible places on Earth. So how come they’re so dull?
6.) Dad with young kids
Would happily have stayed in the Stansted Airport Wetherspoons for a week.
7.) The Swedish couple
Attractive and stylish, possibly employed by the resort to make British people feel bad.
8.) The British ex-pat
Sees no irony in the fact he cast his postal vote for UKIP from Spain.
9.) The Hot Young Waiter
It might be the Sangria talking, but he definitely looks a bit like Javier Bardem.
10.) The sleazy middle-aged waiter
There’s not enough Sangria in the world.
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